


dazzling moonlight

by ken (club_hot)



Category: Super Junior
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 23:22:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12692304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/club_hot/pseuds/ken
Summary: a collection of drabbles





	dazzling moonlight

**Author's Note:**

> some drabbles end mid-sentence

01: kyunghoon/heechul – _a thousand kisses and a hundred more_

you're living your dream. you're living your dream with heechul there on your bed and his lips are red and swollen and bruised. you want to bruise them so more, you want to press your mouth against his, you want to kiss him again.

his shirt is somewhere on the floor of your room because you threw it there and he's waiting for you to come to him so he can wrap his arms around your neck and hold you close. and that's what you do: you sit on the bed and put your hands on his hips because you want to feel his skin pressed against yours and he puts his in your hair. it feels nice, everything he does feels like that.

he kisses you slowly and it feels nothing like before when he pushes you against the wall and tears your clothes off.

 

02: kyunghoon/heechul – _untitled_

kyunghoon thinks you're joking when you talk about kissing him and holding his hand. friendship is all there is supposed to be between you two and it sucks because you definitely aren't joking about this.

 

03: heechul/han geng – _a laughing voice sinks in the eardrum_

you have never done this before.   
  
you have never waited for a guy in the freezing cold for an hour and you have never liked someone as much as you like him.   
  
it's embarrassing if you think about how much you're willing to do for him, pathetic too and you can't stand yourself because this is the first time you actually feel something. that you don't know how to express yourself is a whole another thing though but the fact you're willing to something like this is fucking crazy.   
  
standing in the cold with a thin jacket on that's actually not even yours isn't something you thought you would ever be doing. but it's happening and he didn't even ask you to.   
  
you're so head over heels in love with him you can't function like you were supposed to. it's so stupid, love is, that you can't believe you're actually capable of feelings like that.   
  
if you were to tell him, he'd laugh at you, you know that because you told him so many times you're never the one to fall for people, at least not people like him, not the nice ones that want to have a healthy relationship. you lied. you want that but you're so fucked up you don't dare to think about it.   
  
"oh, have you been waiting for long?"  
  
your heart stops for a second. his voice sounds nice. "i just came." you want to wonder why your hands are sweating yet you're still freezing but you already know the answer. "don't flatter yourself, i wouldn't wait for you more than five minutes, it's so fucking cold."

 

04: heechul/han geng – _you sink deep into my heart_

heechul's heart is beating like it never has before and his hands are sweating. nothing else comes to his mind except he hates this. he hates love and the whole concept of it, the whole caring and being nice to other thing because he's not like that. he loved people before, yes, in the whole not romantic way and that is all he wanted.   
  
but he loves han geng in the romantic way, more than he has ever loved anyone before and it's pissing him off. this is not him.   
  
(except that it is. this is him: him loving a guy, a nice guy that deserves the best in life. he likes it because it makes him feel something other than hatred and anger. kim heechul is capable of love.)  
  
the thing is, han geng doesn't know. heechul is really fucking good at hiding and pretending too. so, han geng is never going find out because heechul doesn't want him to. and of course he doesn't want him to, han geng doesn't like men.   
  
han geng likes petite girls with long hair, filled with kindness and a glowing smile and heechul has none of that. sometimes, he pretends han geng is going to like him one day. one day, han geng is going to stop talking about girls and their curves and how pretty they are and he's going to like heechul.   
  
heechul laughs when he thinks about things like that and when he tries to fool himself into thinking that yeah, a straight man is going to like him. it's pathetic, he's like one of those fifteen year olds that think their favorite idol likes them back.   
  
god, he loves han geng a lot.

 

05: heechul/han geng – _untitled_

heechul whispers words into his mouth, words han geng likes to call bullshit because that's what they are. he talks about feelings and hatred and how one day they're gonna run away, somewhere far, somewhere where no one knows them, somewhere where they're gonna kiss in the middle of the street and people won't stare, that's what heechul says and then he whispers _i love you_ under his breath to him and even if han geng says it back he's not sure he means it.

 

06: kyuhyun/kibum – _untitled_

words that sound awfully like promises he won't be able to keep are whispered into the dark room and kyuhyun listens to every single one of them even though he knows kibum doesn't mean them.

 

07: heechul/han geng – _let’s hold hands until we love_

you say that you don't care, that it doesn't matter but you care enough to let it keep you up at night and you think _where did i fuck up_ and then it all comes back to you. you going to the bar, you drinking more glasses of alcohol than you can count, han geng coming to pick you up. you being angry, you being sad, you kissing han geng before getting out of his car. you crying in your room, alone and han geng never driving off your drive way that night. (but when you wake up later he's not there anymore and you hate yourself even more than usually. _you fucked up._ )

you don't move out of your bed for a week and for another week you don't talk to anyone. people call you, your phone rings constantly until it finally runs out of battery and you don't bother charging it because you won't use it anyway.

you can't hide forever, you know that but this is not something you can deal with and you're pretty sure won't ever be able to look at han geng again. then you think, maybe he doesn't even remember it but you remember you were the one drunk, not him and maybe it's better if you just rot here to death.

denial turns out to be the best solution. (denial is what you're good at. remember the time in high school when you claimed you weren't into guys? and that time you caught feelings for a guy in your class but said it was nothing? denial's definitely your thing.) nothing happened, you're not in love with han geng. the only thing that happened was him dropping you off because you were drunk.

when you convince yourself into that, you manage to convince yourself to go outside. you realize that maybe you should've showered. and brushed your teeth. and also avoid jungsoo for at least a decade.

 

08: siwon/yesung – _untitled_

you think you're in love with the way he holds your hips and fucks you and kisses and the way he breathes down your neck and touches your collarbones and lifts your legs so he can fuck you better

 

09: siwon/heechul – _untitled_

Heechul laughs into his ear when they sneak around just so they could hold each other’s hand or when they go to the bathroom without anyone noticing just so they could kiss a little bit more. He thinks it’s funny. Siwon doesn’t.

Siwon wants to go out and rub it into other people’s faces _look I’m dating someone_ and shove their intertwined hands under their noses to make them jealous _I have someone and you don’t_ while screaming _I love you Kim Heechul_ on top of his lungs. He wants to do all sorts of things but he can’t because he’s nothing but a coward.

( _I like boys_ is surprisingly hard to say, especially to someone who expects you to marry a nice girl from a rich family and have lots of children that you two will love and raise together and then live together happily ever after.)

Siwon wants to introduce Heechul to his parents, this time more than just his friend. He wants them to stop locking themselves into his bedroom just so they could lay on bed and wrap their hands around each other’s waist.

(If he came out to his dad, he would probably disown him or says _gays don’t exist why are you lying do you want to go to hell_ and pretend nothing ever happened and make him go on dates with his friends’ daughters until he found the one he wants to marry.)

Siwon wants to take Heechul on cute dates even though Heechul would hate them and he wants to kiss his cheek in public without people staring and get hit on the head by Heechul because _what the fuck Siwon kiss me on the lips instead._

(He’s almost eighteen and he has never brought a girl home or talked about liking one and people keep asking him _you’re a good looking guy, who’s the lucky girl_ to which Siwon laughs to with clear embarrassment and says _there isn’t one_ and people smile _what a liar everyone would love to date you_ and Siwon kind of dies a little every time it happens.)

Siwon wants to do stupid shit with Heechul without worrying. He wants to sneak outside at night to go see him and get caught trying to get back to his room and he wants his parents to ask _where the fuck were you we were worried_ and Siwon would say _I was out with Heechul._ Then his parents would shake their heads, disappointed because _you could’ve gotten killed and we wouldn’t know seriously what were you thinking_ and not because he went out with a guy but in reality he would’ve said he went to a girl’s house and force himself to blush and _yeah she’s my girlfriend._

(“Are you going to stay single forever?” his sister laughs, they all do. “Of course he won’t, right honey? I want a pretty daughter in law, some grandchildren too!”

Siwon pretends he doesn’t hear.)

For now, this is how Siwon’s life is going.


End file.
